Ink and Misery 

Like many writers I feel tempted to dabble in ink and taste the misery of writing at the same time. 

Some writing projects are so visceral that they bring forth thoughts and emotions that have been kept under wraps for years or decades. There is no way to turn back once you have committed. The only way is forward , going deeper into the recesses of the mind, being relentless with the memories and the impressions .

NaNoWriMo is one such project and after just a week of writing crazily, I am amazed at what it entails. The first few thousand words flow easily ; they tumble out quick and fast and there is a feeling that it is the precursor to a flood of words. 

With the month long writing, I am trying to deal with my fears. It is not the fear of failure; of not being able to reach 50,000 words or even the fear of succeeding but the fear of knowing finally that I cannot write. I have held the idea that there are infinite words bottled up inside me and all I need is the time and the inclination to write them. For this month I give myself the luxury of time and the resolve of following through to thousands of words, much more than what I could comfortably write till now. At the end of it all, or maybe even before that I might discover that I. Cannot. Write. More. 

There is also the fear of putting out all of my impressions into words, the impressions that have been accumulated till now. After I let go of them all, would I be empty inside? Would I be able to dredge up even a single word more? Would I be able to look at the world through new eyes again? Would I ever be able to hoard up more emotions that I could express? 

I also want the exhilaration of knowledge . Of knowing how I can write. Whether I can write in sprints or in longer stretches; what times are the best for my writing, what really inspires me- grief, pain, love, longing, joy, achievement? What would it take to push me out of my comfort zone and once out there what I am capable of ?

I am writing and discovering… 

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6 Comments

  1. Keep it up!I am looking forward to seeing what you discover 🙂 You can do it!
    I am learning that some of my best writing has come out of deep emotions, whether they be happy ones or sad. When my heart is full, the writing just flows out.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you, C! Your kind words and appreciation are so encouraging!
      It is so interesting that a full heart leads to beautiful writing. I can see the change in your own posts as you go from strength to strength.
      I do hope to understand much more of the writing process as I go on. It has sometimes been stripped of its special aura and at the same time I have discovered that mechanical writing when we push ourselves to write, no matter what, has its own beauty!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  2. While not being as dire as yours, my condition is similar too. I have been suffering a block these last few days that has kept me from the unbridled writing that I like.
    I guess you’d need a detoxification period after the completion of the month. And I also think that you’d definitely discover a new side to you as a person after you are through the grind of NaNoWriMo.
    Good luck to us both! 😁😁

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much for the feedback and the wishes!
      It has been an incredible journey and yes there have been many things that I have learnt.
      As for detox, all I want to do is to get back to the hectic pace of writing that characterises the NaNoWriMo challenge.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. You’ve been hooked now. NaNoWriMo laid the bait and waited a full month. Now you can’t wait for it to return. There’s a trick for that – Make every month a NaNoWriMo month. 😝😝

        Liked by 1 person

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