The Downward Spiral

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Uncannily, she could feel things were spiraling out of control. Downward. She could hear a million voices inside her head, talking all at once. No, they were only four or five- family, relatives, friends, coworkers. But they said things all at once and they went on and on. Sometimes, one or two stopped but they were only silent for a little while. They would never leave her alone.

Her mouth went dry as she walked down the block to run an errand, an ordinary errand. Her heart raced, her hands sweated and she was light headed. There was no one in sight and she dizzily wondered if she should not sit down on one of the benches along the sidewalk.

She could hardly bring herself to answer the phone. Don’t let it ring, please. She looked down at her toes as she crossed streets to avoid acquaintances. Tomorrow, she promised herself, I will call out a greeting. Today, she was just tired.

Everything was tiring. She wanted to sleep more and more. Life was in slow motion. There were things happening, changes coming, children growing, elders getting older but her bubble kept her safe.

She went through her routine. It became intolerable after it became boring. And then she had no energy.

She ate and ate to fill up the void inside her but still the hole kept getting bigger. There was desperation inside her and around her but she could not take a step through the fog around her.

I need help, she thought. And thought of her one friend who understood depression.

Depression is one of the illnesses which still has a lot of misconceptions. The person who is ill is unable to communicate how he or she feels. Family and friends just want the patient to ‘snap out of the mood’. It is time we spread awareness in our own small ways. This post is my attempt to start people thinking.

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