The Journey So Far

I was unbelievably restless! I felt I had to write. Just write. Take those words out of my mind where they had been careening around; spew them out on a paper or whatever. I wanted to recognise my thoughts in the physical world. I wanted to examine them to see if they were real.

I had visions of writing for hours on end. In a secluded mountain cottage. Only a forest around. A clear stream. Chirping birds and the rustle of the bushes as animals darted in and out. A clichΓ©d setting, no doubt and note that it was all pleasant. Even the animals I expected to come around the cottage were not wild or dangerous. I had a feeling that only the act of writing and expressing myself would put my mind to rest. I thought of words like ‘posterity’ and even ‘immortality’. There were so many things unsaid, so many emotions unrecorded. I imagined myself penning down my legacy.

I had a few questions as well. Was I coherent? Was I readable? Writing (create a blog perhaps) and have others read it would help me find out. So, with a little push and a lot of trepidation, I decided to write for an audience. But I was not an intrepid writer. For days, I was paralysed at the prospect of anybody in the world looking at my words. But slowly, with practice, things got better.

I was and still am an intensely private person. I knew that as I wrote I would draw from my life experience and facts about me would tumble out. On my blog, I created the most obscure ‘About’ page ever.

I started by writing why I was here on a public platform and a little about my life till now. I talked of my peripatetic existence and how I needed to find roots. I was trying to find an anchor by writing.

I have been here for some months now. I am not very prolific but then I have not been idle too. I have been fortunate that my posts get read by a few. I have been enriched with the interaction I have had with my fellow bloggers. Every few days, I have an ‘Aha’ moment when I find a fascinating read, an entirely new idea, a captivating story. And the people behind the excellence.

But many things have changed. Things I write about and the way I put forth my views. I still hide behind the facelessness of the internet but now I have a voice and a take that is uniquely mine. I have opened up a bit, online and offline. Before, I needed a pen and paper alone to bring me out of my misery but now I can make do with my keyboard and my screen.

I may be more articulate and better at structuring my pieces now but I am more aware that I am being read and that even through my writing I project an image. So, these days I do not free-write. I dam the flow at times, so that it all does not tumble out at once and in an unmanageable flow. I can express myself but am I still a free soul? Do I bleed?

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23 Comments

  1. That is a lovely visualisation to be able to write in a very secluded place, and do only writing and writing!
    Well you are a serious reader, like you said yin is balanced by yan, you are a serious writer too. Doesn’t mean that it is hard to comprehend though.

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  2. You are an excellent writer and thinker. I enjoy what you write. Started blogging for much the same reasons, mainly to overcome my shyness about expressing myself and my opinions publicly. By sharing with the blogosphere and receiving feedback, we are growing as writers, gaining confidence and finding our path. So happy to have found you!

    Liked by 1 person

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