Writing is ‘Being’

I write because it is a form of self-expression which is sacred ground for me. I firmly believe that everybody has a duty to bring his own unique talents to help others and self expression is the first step in that direction. I venerate all activities that reflects a person’s inner self.

At various times in my life, I have been in awe of, and even jealous of sculptors, painters, cooks, potters, cinematographers, calligraphers and of course, writers. I was and still am respectful of anyone who is engaged in doing something productive with a streak of creativity. I feel they are doing their lives’ work and I am somehow neglecting mine. They have a passion and a direction and that is the road to contentment.

My cultural upbringing teaches me about barriers, limitations, the right way and the only way of doing things. It teaches me to walk the middle path, to be moderate in thought and behaviour (I separate it from equanimity which is important to practice), to be afraid of anything spectacular, to be wary of magnificent successes, to temper my effort and to believe in time’s healing power. I am told to be adapting, to always try to understand the other viewpoint (rather than explore my own for defects), to serve, to empathise, to nurture (others more than myself).

I carried these impressions and unwritten rules through different phases of life. I became accustomed to adapting and understanding. It also meant that gradually I lost a large part of myself. I became an amalgamation of others’ thoughts and viewpoints. It was tiring, always to be looking over others’ shoulders, participating in their reminiscences, anticipating their reaction and thinking their thoughts. I was stirring other’s soup. People closest to me became my identity. I was divided into roles, known by the hats I wore.

I was grieved because I was no longer known by my eccentric brush strokes, by my eclectic pottery, colours and collections. I forgot the taste of my own food. I was not known by my choice of words, a pick of the sardonic, a choice of the subtle. I was not known for my unique creative process. I was known for the relationships I nurtured, the children I raised, the house I kept, the job I had and the community I contributed to.

I was only ‘doing’; there was no space to ‘be’. And ‘being’ constituted the rejection of all social labels.

I sharpened my pencils, spread the table with sheets of paper-coloured, ruled, plain. And wrote. I found myself at last….

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Writing is 'Being'

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15 Comments

  1. I wrote a draft a long time ago about losing ourselves along the way. We become mothers, sisters, wife of, employee, someone’s friend when being introduce to others, but seldom ourselves. Even what we do for a living is mentioned with trepidation depends how important our functions or its equivalent in money. Maybe I have to post it one of these days.

    Great post.

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  2. Your post touch me deeply…And honestly brought tears my eyes ,especially the last lines..’I found myself at last….’…Because somewhere , your story is mine two , as we both belong to the same society ,the same culture that expects us to live by rules made by others , to strangle our own interests and passions for the ‘social good’ and to be everything ,except ‘be ourself’ …. Starting my blog , has meant the same thing fo me , a process of searching the real me , my wishes ,my hopes and of course voicing my thoughts ,no that somebody else ….

    I love your writing too ,as I have told you before , like the way you play with words ,and in your company I expect to add a few words to my lexicon too…
    Great post…inspiring and motivating…and above all , very honest and straight from the heart…
    I am glad I found you here…….

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    1. Thank you so much for your honest feedback. I am so glad that what i had to say reverberates in other hearts and is true to people other than me.
      I feel it takes a long time for us to realise this cultural conditioning. Especially so when we have progressive parents, loving and supportive spouses and in-laws. We are grateful for the good people in our lives and our good fortune and the insidious conditioning kicks in.
      Now that i have a blog and people other than my family and close friends reading me, i feel liberated like you do. I am Me!
      Thanks again for your care and support, Sweety.

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      1. Yes i agree with you here. I believe that everybody tames themselves to be fit for the “society”. Passions and all other interests are surrendered and subdued. Its become something of a normal happening in this corporate world.
        Your last line was the best ” I found myself at last…. ” πŸ™‚
        Anyways, nice meeting you and lets stay in touch.. !!! πŸ™‚
        I had written something of this sort once.. Read when you have your time..!! πŸ™‚

        http://samjothsashidharan.wordpress.com/2014/03/15/emotions-at-disguise/

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I myself have always lived in others shadows and I was fine with it but when I started writing I started feeling like I finally had something that was my own. Writing has opened the world to me and I now know the most interesting people and finally have a way to express myself.
    I just find it amazing how people find their own way to express themselves and how their new found passion can effect their lives.

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    1. I am so glad to hear you echo my thoughts and feelings. Yes, writing is a beautiful way of self expression. And yes, it is our own world. I am so happy you discovered your passion and are using your talents.

      Liked by 1 person

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