I have thought a lot about how losses and gains are part of the package. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. For every little thing you lose, you gain something. Two sides of a coin. A glass of water-half full or half empty. Yin and yang. Opposites attract.
I have found that even when you gain, you may be reminded of your loss. And you should know when it is time to let go.
She was the most important person in my life when I was a child. At school, when I joined, she would watch me from the sidelines. She was shy and loved to be in the shadows. I was bold and confident and gained my classmates and teacher’s admiration very quickly. She tried to get in my circle of friends. Then we discovered we lived in the same neighbourhood.
So, we would meet after school. Get our homework done. Cycle around the park. As years flew by and we breezed through tests, exams, grades, we became inseparable. People mistook us for being sisters. We did everything together.
Adolescence deepened the bond. We shared so much. Thoughts, feelings, muddled emotions, crushes, books, eating quirks, our choice of scooters, possessions. No, not dreams. Because each of us had our own. Basically, we were as different as chalk and cheese and maybe that attracted us to each other.
I moved cities. We stayed in touch through letters and occasional phone calls. We chose different careers. We married. And then we got busy with our respective lives.
Last year, I visited her town unexpectedly. I called her and we promised to meet. We did. I was greying, with a stricter hairstyle and conservative clothes. She remarked on that. So, I had changed. Outwardly. And she? I never did find out. I had thought about this reunion so many times in the past few years. Geographically, we were apart but I yearned to have the same closeness. I wanted to have the assurance of having someone around who knew everything about me.
I did not find out about what she was now because she was too busy with her present and planning her future. I sensed I could no longer be part of her life. So, I withdrew gracefully. So that I could cherish the shared times of our childhood as ours alone. I did not want that dreamlike existence to be sullied in the harsh light of reality.
I know now the meaning of letting go and finding peace in my heart.