Yesterday was just bland-it had no flavour. Thankfully, it had none of the bitterness of the days I feel down and out, with the thoughts joining hands to make a loop, going round and round, like the song ‘posies in my pocket’, round and round with dizzying speed till I am ready to collapse in a heap.
It did not have the tantalising tanginess of beautiful opportunities, the delicious feeling of wanting to explore, the freshness of the potential, the sweet and sour that promises excitement, at the same time unknown and alluring.
Sweet? No, how could the day be sweet? There was no nostalgia, although these days memories are bitter, as if I have reached the end and know that I can neither go back to rectify or change tracks, nor are there any crossroads at which I stand, ready to choose a direction. The bitterness is all about the unfinished business and unfulfilled promises.
My day did not have the saltiness of worldly pleasures. I have forgotten the need for pleasures, relaxation, for looking around and smelling the flowers. I clutch, disbelievingly at my Incredible List, wondering how I could manage to get up to a hundred wishes and desires. These days my desires are all neatly slotted into eight categories-ones which make up the majority of my thoughts. I sort my thoughts and stack them precisely, not letting them go an inch either way. Only I know what is piled where and for what reason and things almost never get cleared up.
No, sweetness these days lies in Gratitude. In contentment, in simple lotus flowers that I see as a motif on top of a page on inspirational living. When I immerse myself in Gratitude, a sweet fragrance wafts up from my being, like a bud that now opens as a flower, rejoicing in ‘being’.